Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
