Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
