No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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