I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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