i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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