I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
