You're my little dorito
"it" just moved
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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