if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
