I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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