I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
