someone get that fucking seahorse.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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