there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
