Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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