Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
