The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
