when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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