I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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