i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
