margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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