I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
