just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
