It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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