Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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