I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Olympian is in my bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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