You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
