you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
