its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
