I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
