i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
