just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
