Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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