my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
