I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
