He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
