I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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