They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
