How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
