the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
