Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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