last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
