Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
