My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
