Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
