Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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