just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am one with the molecules
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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