im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
