So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
