My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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