my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
