Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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