I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
